love?
by colormeember
Summary: In one little week, Clare had managed to change me. Is this what true love felt like?
1. Chapter 1

Clare POV

I stood at my locker, wondering which books I needed for my next few classes and pondering how I did on my history exam. I needed an A, it was the only class I had a borderline grade in. With that in mind, I slammed my locker. (after all I was a straight A student)

"Oh my gosh!" I muttered as I jumped with fright. I hadn't realized Eli had been standing behind my locker door the whole time. "You scared me!" I exclaimed.

"Well, I tend to have that affect on people," he answered while wearing that stupid smirk. I stifled a giggle and he walked me to English class.

"How was your History test?" he asked. It had been two weeks since we met each other and over that time we formed some special friendship. But, for some reason I wanted more. Don't get me wrong, I loved having him as a friend, but deep down I felt that our relationship should be escalated to the next level. He always teased me! None of my other friends acted like him. Well, he was pretty different. The only gothic kid at Degrassi. So why was I attracted to him? Everyone else thought we were dating by the way he was always with me, all the time. But he didn't seem to care what everyone else thought. So I guess, if he was happy, so was I.

"Well, OK. I guess. I never was a brainiac at memorizing dates."

"Clare Edwards is struggling in a class? I thought pigs would fly before that happened!"

"Shut up!" I said, while trying to hold back a smile. He always made me smile.

"Here's one date I hope you can remember. Saturday night, the Dot? We can look over your History there, I've taken it before, remember?"

We walked into Ms. Dawes' classroom. Even though I was only in 10th grade, I was placed in 11th grade Advanced English. And Eli just so happened to be in the same class. Somehow, we ended up as English partners a couple weeks ago. At first, I dreaded being paired with the goth boy and wished I could transfer to another class, but now it was the highlight of my day.

As we took our seats I managed to answer him, "Like as a date?"

My heart swelled, was he asking me on a date? I had been waiting a week for this question, and I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. For some reason he always had a star role in them.

"Yeah, Clare. It's kinda called a study _date."_

"Well, uhm," I trailed off, "It sounds more like tutoring, but I accept." I shot him a smile and he gave me the weakest smile back and I blushed. By his facial expression, I could tell he loved it when I blushed.

Eli POV

SCORE! Finally, she wanted to go on a date with me. I guess if I had mustered up the nerve last week, she would have said yes. But, whatever, she just said yes. The two weeks of making fun of Clare had payed off. I wonder if she knows that she's all I think about. Clare's timidity, her smile, her piercing blue eyes, her soft pink lips, her flawless,pale skin. I especially like the way she blushes at anything I say. It's quite adorable. Stop. What the hell Eli? What happened to -ass? In two little weeks, she had managed to change some part of me. Is this what love felt like? But,we haven't even had a first date yet! God, I was falling for Clare fast.

"Pick you up at five?"I whispered back. I hadn't even realized had started a lecture on Shakespeare. "And don't worry, I'll keep Adam away." I whispered. She smiled back, "Five thirty? I've got a babysitting job."

"Sure." I smiled at her and she blushed back. Adam was only sitting a seat away from me. Damn Adam, always being the third wheel. He was like the brother I never wanted, but I never got to actually be alone with Clare. He was always sitting with us at lunch, it got kinda annoying. The only alone time we got was in the hallways, most of the time. I wonder if she wants to be alone just as much as I do?

", . You can flirt after class. Now can somebody tell me what's ironic about this sentence?" I looked over at Clare and she was blushing even ore, as if that was possible. I couldn't help but stare at her. She was so …perfect. She didn't deserve me. I had given her a week trial, but she didn't know it. By the way she always sat with me and adam at lunch, didn't object when I insisted I walk her to class, and by the way she texted me back almost as immediately as I texted her, I could tell that she liked me. Maybe even more than friends. So I had asked her out and she said yes.

I was glad it was a lecture day, I could mull all of this over. Clare sat awkwardly at her desk, scribbling notes. I just stared at her all class. I'm such a creep. Oh well, people can think what they want. I can not get my eyes off her. Clare's so different than any other girl at this school. They're all popular obsessed, cheery, and have fake tans. I can't stand girls like that. Maybe that's why I like Clare so much?

All class, she tried hard not to make eye contact with me, but every once in a while she managed to lock eyes with me. And of course, her cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink. Before I knew it, class was over. Since I did nothing all class, I had nothing to pack up. I was surprised didn't grill me. She hates when people don't take notes. I walked over to Clare's desk, she was still packing up.

"What a neat freak!" I joked.

"At least I can find my books."

"Who cares? It's not like I do the homework anyway."

"Sometimes I wonder how you're in AP classes."

"You wonder about me, Clarebear?" She actually thought about me? So I wasn't the only one?

"Uhm, well,no! It just seems like you shouldn't be in AP."

"Please, I know my literature just as well, hell, better than you do."

"Ha, I'm sure you do. You're telling me that the bad ass of Degrassi reads Shakespeare in his free time?"

"Yup, is that a bad thing? There's more to me than you think, Edwards." I shot my signature smirk at her and as if on cue, she blushed right back.

Clare POV

All week, Eli had made flirtatious comments to me. Did that mean something? Or was that normal? He waited in line with me to buy lunch, even though he wasn't. And he continued to walk me to class and send me "Good morning, Clare!" texts every morning. But we were just friends, right? But he had asked me out on a date. Well a study date, but whatever. He even said it was a date! Were we a couple? Did he think we were? I lay in my bed Saturday morning, pondering. Was I pathetic for thinking about him this much? I never thought about K.C. like this. But KC was a jerk. Did Eli really like me? Or was I the target of some cruel joke? You don't see many goth 11th grade boys walking around with shy, little 10th grade girls. But I doubt Eli would do that, he just didn't seem like the type. I hadn't even realized that the scent of waffles wafted into my bedroom. My Mom was trying to win my Dad back, again. They'd grown so far apart. He was always "working". Sometimes I wondered if he really was. Well, I guess if Dad was "working" again on a Saturday morning, Mom would need someone to eat the waffles.I peeked at the clock:9:36. More than 7 hours until my date with Eli. I slipped on my robe and slippers and clomped down the stairs.

"Good morning, honey!" My mom said gleefully.

"Morning, Mom" I said in mid-yawn.

"Get enough sleep?" She looked concerned.

"Yeah," I lied. The truth was that all night I thought about Eli and his stupid smirk. Finally, at 3AM, I managed to fall asleep. I was pathetic. I never gushed over a guy this much before! I grabbed a waffle, smothered it with syrup, and cut it into perfect little squares.

"Where's Dad?" I said, trying to mak conversation, although I already knew the answer.

"Work." Of course. It was amazing, whenever I was with Eli, I didn't even think about my parents. It's like he washed away all my worries. Was it possible for a high school boy to be the answer to my problems? I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room reading my favorites of Edgar Alan Poe. Surprisingly, he also read them too. Every lunch, we would discuss our opinions on each story. For some reason, I was drawn to it even more now. Well, atleast it seemed like the after noon. I looked at the clock.12:30. Grr, now what? I decided to change out of my PJs and into a floral blouse, jeans, and sneakers. I brushed my hair and put a flower clip in it. Why not? I didn't have to look like a dork all the time.

"Bye, Mom" I yelled as I ran down the stairs and out the door. I was careful not to trip because I had done that before. That did NOT end well.

"Bye. Where are you going?"

"On a walk!" I yelled as I shut the front door. Well, what else was I going to so with my day? I wasn't in the mood for reading and TV rotted your brains. There were more than 4 hours until I saw Eli, anyway. I didn't even know where to walk. Even though it was the end of September, I didn't need a coat. I t was an oddly warm day. I must have walked 45 minutes, past townhomes and the county park. Somehow, I ended up sitting on a bench along a not-so-busy road as I watched the cars go by. After a few minutes, I was about to walk home. But, I saw an oddly familiar shape come down the sidewalk. It was Fitz. .God. I wanted to run, but it was if my feet were planted in the ground.

Eli POV

I turned up Morty's radio, blasting some obnoxiously loud music into the speakers. I never did much on a weekend. There was nothing to do. I had only woke up 15 minutes ago, but my Dad wasn't home. I was going to die of boredom today. Five o'clock could not come fast enough. So, here I was, taking Morty for a joy ride. I couldn't wait to see Clare's face again. Woah, that's ironic! Why does that girl sitting on that bench with her boyfriend look like Clare? I must be seeing things. Get a hold of yourself, Man! WAIT! That _is _Clare. With..Fitz? What? That doesn't make any sense. The closer I got, the weirder the scenario got. But then I realized that Clare was squirming away from his grasp and yelling.

"Let go!" I hear her cry. I'd know her voice from anywhere. I pushed down the gas pedal as hard as I could and then pulled over.

"What, you don't want some alone time with Fitzy?"he laughed. I slammed the door behind me and stomped over to the bench. Clare looked up, stunned, but at the same time relieved I was here.

"You heard her. Let go." I demanded.

"Why? How do you know she doesn't like me, Goldsworthy?"

Anger raged inside my body and took over like a tidal wave. My muscles tensed. How _dare_ he. Poor, innocent Clare. It was as if I couldn't control my body and I walked over to him, not caring that he was inches taller than me. I wasn't sure why, but I was always happy to fight him. Predator versus Prey. My muscles were no longer in my control and I popped him in the jaw. _I hope that hurt, _I wanted to say_. _Clare backed away terrified, she had obviously never partaken in something like this before. Now, we were standing, facing each other and pushing. He threw a punch right at my nose. I could feel the blood start to drip. He backed me up right against a tree and kicked me in the "private area". I buckled over in pain, just like I had last weekend when he had come towards me with a knife. God, I hated Fitz. What was with him and his need for power? But, this was far from over. I wasn't gonna let him get this satisfaction.

"Ha. Teaches you right Goldsworthy."

"Stay away from my girlfriend." I growled. Did I just say girlfriend?

And with that he turned nonchalantly and walked away. I hated him. I mean this was bad enough. But in front of Clare? She hated this feud and I wondered what she had to say about it…

Clare POV

I was stunned. Did Fitz really have the nerve to do what he had just done? And did Eli just call me his girlfriend? Or was I just hearing things?

"Eli, are you OK?" I rushed over to him, now laying on the ground. He had a bloody nose and was obviosly going to have some bruises.

"Yes, I'm fine Clare and how are you?" he retorted It was amazing that he could have a sense of humor after what just happened.

"Fitz is such an ass, what ails him?" he went on, "The question is, are you OK Clare?"

"Well I was just taking a walk.." He cut me off.

"Probably the most exciting walk ever now that I'm involoved, huh?" he smirked.

Eli's face quickly turned from humor to anger. "He's gonna get it. What the hell is his problem?" I hated this stupid feud between them. Eli was in danger everyday.

"No, things are bad enough. Don't make it worse!" After giving Fitz a fake Id with the name of a convicted arsenist, I thought this was over, but no. Would it ever be?

"Did you not just witness what he did to you, Edwards?"

"Well yeah. I was kinda the victim," I said, " But I'm fine, So just drop it!OK?"I guess he did because he shut up.I pulled a tissue out of my pocket and started dabbing his nose.

"Holy crap, I'm bleeding?"

"Just a little," was my answer. I looked into his piercing green eyes. They were gorgeous and his flirtatious smirk just made me want to kiss him! Woah? Hold up? Did I just say kiss him? Before I knew it, our faces were just inches away from each other. He leaned in and our lips touched. I was retty sure that I just felt sparks. He kissed me gently, but with so much passion. It just felt so...right. Kissing KC never felt this way. He gently pulled away and I gasped.

"Woah, was that OK?" he asked "Or did I just cross the whole friends thing?"

"Yeah, it was fine, actually" I answered in a daze. Wow.

"Well, I try."

"UHm, did you say..girlfriend?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Yup, is that alright with you blue eyes?"

"Yes," I answewred my smile glowing.

"Well that was an odd start to our first date." He exclaimed.

Date? It really was one! He wanted it to be one. Were we a couple now? Obviously, my excitement was showing because he just smiled and laughed, his adorable laugh. That kiss had been so much better than the one for English class.


	2. Chapter 2

Eli POV

Well, now what? I had just kissed Clare Edwards. She was so meek. So perfect. And she thought I was a good kisser? It was a little different than I thought it would be, but Oh well. I had the guts to say she was my girlfriend and she was happy with it.

"So do you still want to study? Or we can do something more,erhm, interesting."

"We don't have to study. I don't have my books anyway." Just the answer I wanted to hear.

"So, what would you like to do?"

"Well, the Brandywood carnival opened last night." She insinuated. Wow, a carnival really? There was no way in hell we were going there. I revved Morty's engine.

"Carnival it is."

Clare POV

This was all crazy! One minute, I'm taking a walk. The next, I'm in Eli's car going to a carnival. Wow, I looked like crap, too. Was I really his girlfriend? My brain was on overflow. My heart soared. For almost 2 weeks, I'd been waiting to hear those words. But, wait, we weren't going to Brandywood.

"Where are we going?" I demanded

"Why so demanding, Edwards?" He smirked.

"Come on!"

"You'll see" Why was he so mysterious. I loved it, he was so unpredictable, funny, and conniving. And he always had a plan up his sleeve. But, I was suppose to be mad! WE soon pulled into the park that I walked past earlier. Who would of known that I'd end up with him at a family-friendly park, of all places. I guess he saw my confusion and reached to grab my hand.

"Trust me." And that I did. We parked in the small lot and he got out and opened my door. Wow, he was a gentleman, too?

"Thanks, but don't act all sweet! I'm still confused why we're here!" He led me to a bench along the walkway, the sun was setting now.

"So, "he started, "Instead of learning World History, I though it would be more interesting if we learned each other's." Of course, he had some sneaky plan up his sleeve.

"Well this is certainly a change of events!" I just sat there. Why would he want to learn about me? I was so boring! I was still confused as to why I was with a boy like Eli.

"I guess I'll go first," I was too dumb struck to talk, "I was born here in Ontario on July 16th 1993, so I just turned 17. My parents divorced two years ago and I moved in with my Dad. My Mom went to the states with my little sister, Lucy, who was five. We don't know where they are now. My Dad has been coping with depression ever since then. And 6 months ago, he became an alcoholic. I try to stay out of the house as much as I can." Wow. I had to give it to him. Eli really had feelings, deep down. And he was opening up to me. Why me? I wasn't special. He continued, "Last year I killed my girlfriend, Julia. We got in a stupid fight and she walked out and rode her bike home. A drunk driver hit her and she died later that night in the hospital." There were tears in his eyes now , "It was all my fault. I could have stopped her!It's my fault! I transferred to Degrassi hoping to start over and forget everything that happened. If you can believe it, I use to be kinda popular. My favorite color was green. I love literature, I know that's hard to comprehend seeing that I'm a goth high school boy. But, I do. And unlike the rumors, I'm not obsessed with death. But, let people think what they want."

Was all of this coming from Eli? He was pouring out his soul to me and all I could do was stand here and stare. There was more to him than I thought. I kinda liked this side of him.

"But, when I'm with you Clare, It's like all my troubles fade away. I forget everything. All I care about is making you happy. I really like you, Clare. But, you should stay away. I don't want to hurt you, too. I like you too much."


	3. Chapter 3

Clare POV

It was Monday morning. Today, English class was first. He _HAD_ to talk to me. He just had to! After we poured our hearts out to each other on Saturday night, I thought that we'd be closer. But he just drove me home after that, barely saying a word! What did I do? Did it have something to do with him thinking he'd hurt me? I mean what happened to his girlfriend _was_ an accident, and not his fault. How could Eli hurt me, I have had my heart broken before. That's the worst that can happen, right? Why won't he talk to me! These were the questions that haunted me. I stood at my locker once again, hoping to see Eli behind the door when it closed. But to my despair, I just saw the locker next to me and a flyer for drama club. And no one to walk me to English.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw…Alli. "Wait up!" I yelled.

"Woah, so now you wanna talk to me? What, Eli not around?" she blurted out. Ever since I met Eli, we had spent so much time together, taking out of the time I spent with Alli. She was still pissed at me. But she had to understand me! After all, she was boy crazy. She probably knew what to do!

"He's kinda not talking to me.." I replied, I could feel a frown upon my face.

"Why do I care?" she bitched.

"Well, Ali you _are_ my best friend! Sorry, it's just…I like Eli more than I thought! You have to help me!" I looked over at her. Her face was changing from rage to her regular expression.

"Fine, but this doesn't mean I approve of you two! So what happened?"

"Well we talked, just about our past. He said he liked me too much, but didn't want to hurt me. I'm confused." I said as sorrow entered my tone of voice.

"You have to make him want you! Give him little hints here and there that you like him"

"Uhm, that's not gonna be much help, Alli! This is more than a crush, we had something between us."

"Well, talk it out, I guess. But that's the last thing I'd do."

"Thanks, Al!" I rolled my eyes, waved, and marched down the hall. I was determined to figure out what was going on.

Eli POV

I took a seat, but not in the back as usual. I sat in the middle of the class, everyone would soon fill the seats around me. I didn't want to confront Clare. Couldn't she tell that I didn't want to be with her? Had I not made that clear? I didn't want to be a jack ass and kill her too. She didn't deserve to be with me. I didn't deserve a perfect girl like her. But I really liked her. It's for the best, right? I can't stop thinking about her though; it's as if she intoxicates all my thoughts. Does she actually like me? We did kiss, and she liked it. I could tell by the way it looked like she was about to burst, her cheeks were so red. I want her so freaking badly. But, this is for the best: Our wellbeing, at least I hope it is.

Everyone filed into ' room, but no one sat next to me except Adam. He followed me everywhere; I guess you could say he was my personal entourage. Were they all scared of me? I don't blame them. Great, one empty seat. And here comes Clare. Please, Please. Don't sit there—Too late, she clumsily sat down, slinging her backpack behind her seat. Ignoring her was going to be more difficult than I thought.

"Hi," she mustered. Should I answer her?

"Hey," I decided to say.

"So do I all of the sudden have some contagious disease that you don't want to catch?" She asked, jokingly. She flashed her meek smile in my direction. God, she _was_ perfect.

"Now class, open you _Romeo and Juliet _books to page 45, Scene 2. What are some indirect characteristics of Tybalt?" Phew, I didn't have to answer. This really was going to be difficult. I looked over at Clare, her smile turned into a slight frown and I could read her face like a book. She was cheerless. And I had caused that feeling. It killed me.I just couldn't be right, either way. I guess I'd have to talk to her. Explain.

I have no clue how this will turn out, but I hope she understands. I really do. I can't hurt another girl again. Not again. She's perfect in every way. I feel like a traitor, but even better than Julia. If I don't think about Julia, I'll just grow depressed. It's better to think about her, her laugh, her everything. She was a great girl, my best friend. But, I never felt what I do with Clare with her. It's like Clare and I have some special connection. I've never felt this with anyone, and I don't want the sensation of it to go away, the only answer to it is to be with Clare. She had poured out her soul Saturday night. She told me everything from her first day of Degrassi to her sister, Darcy, and her rape and how she moved to Kenya on a mission trip. I just couldn't leave her hanging.

The bell then rang,

Time to face Clare.

Clare POV

What the hell was Eli's problem? If he didn't want to talk to me, he could at least tell me so I didn't feel as if I were in a daze. I walked out the door and pulled him as he came out the door, after everyone else piled out.

"Eli, if you don't like—" He cut me off. He was going to tell me he never wanted to see me again. I knew it.

"Listen Clare, I know I was a jerk. I thought that if I tried to ignore you, you would give up and leave me alone," I stared at him. I was still in a daze. "But, I realized that I can't. You're always in my head and I can't get you out! I have already caught your contagious disease. I thought that you were too good for me. I don't deserve you, but I can't stay away from you! I don't want to hurt you though." He looked torn. "You can pick. Do you want me to stick around or leave you alone?"

Wow! That was a dumb question. "Eli, of course I want you to stick around, this semester would be hell without you." I flashed him a smile. He smirked back. And here I thought he was going to tell me he never wanted to see me again.

"This may sound dumb, but I thought you were mad at me and would never want to see me again. But, I didn't exactly want to give up that quickly. And, you could never hurt me, Eli. If anything I don't deserve _you._"

"Now, why would I never want to see you again? I can't imagine a life without Clare Edwards." He looked over, and imagine that! I was blushing, again. He made me feel so happy. I don't think I could deal with the fact that he'd never want to see me again. I would go insane and lock myself in my room, forever! OK, well maybe not forever. But I had strong feelings for this boy. I don't know why. But, I do. He makes me feel like no one else. There's simply no one else like Eli Goldsworthy.

"See ya at lunch?" He asked as I walked into my next class.

"I guess you will. Cause I'll be there first."

"Oh, you're on , Edwards."


End file.
